A world of Dolls
by JimmyLost
Summary: A young girl living in the capitol, her story.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

I stand by the door, listening. I can hear Mommy's voice floating in from under the door. Her laughter sounds like bells as it echos through the room. I stand still not hearing any of the words just waiting for the inevitable. All of Mommy's parties end the same way. Soon enough I hear the familiar words.

"Would you like to see my dolls?"

No one ever says no.

With practised steps I walk the diameter of the circular room from door to window seat and take my place. The other dolls are all sitting perfectly, just like always. They are so much better then I am. Mommy tells them to stay in place and they do, I'm the only one who ever breaks her rules. I arrange my skirts in exactly the way Mommy left them and turn my head ever so slightly left so that I too am perfect. I concentrate on making my eyes glassy and unfocused and my skin smooth and unmoving. The door opens and in comes Mommy and her guests.

The light in the room is set to make me the centre of attention and the guest want nothing more then to walk right up to me and stare at how beautiful and perfect I am. Mommy has a routine though. She says it's like the games, that she has to build up the expectation and excitement before the main event. She guides them through the room demanding their attention, she displays each of her beautiful creations with equal care and pride. Even so soon the guest are buzzing and impatient and she doesn't a resist any longer she brings them over to me. I sit still just like I'm meant to as they stare at me and compliment Mommy. I'm waiting. Just as she always dose at the same moment every party she signals me. I turn my head smoothly and slowly to face our guests and smile.

They break out into applause and more compliments for Mommy but she quickly quiets them. There is more she says just wait. Then tilt my head so I am specifically facing Mommy and speak.

"I love you Mommy" I say.

Now they can't stop themselves they all start to talk at once.

"Amazing"

"So believable"

"Almost like she was real"

The last one seems almost entranced she looks into my eyes. I look through her. She reaches out to touch me and before Mommy can stop her has placed a single finger on my cheek. She pulls back immediately. Mommy looks worried now and she dose something different. Instead of continuing to show me she tells the guest that they should move on to the kitchen because the food will be ready soon. She's lying, the food is always prepared on an exact schedule and it shouldn't be ready until they're done looking at me. The guests leave and the entranced lady is staring at Mommy now. They leave too closing the door behind them.

I try to stay still like I should but I can't. What did I do wrong? Why did they all have to leave early? I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I mustn't cry, Mommy dolls will walk and talk if she tells them to, but none of them cry. It's wrong I mustn't. The tears fall and I must move to cover them so I lift my two pale hands to my face and cover my eyes.

I think all the others must be looking at me now as the water leaks out of my eyes on to my pale blue dress. They must think so poorly of me moving and crying and now I am even speaking without permission. Although I don't know if the choking noises coming out of my throat are words, but I've heard so few words in my life I suppose they could be.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

It's hours before before the door opens. I have dried my eyes and resumed my stillness. I am a doll, I am a _perfect_ doll. I don't look to see who it is, it could only be Mommy after all. The sound of her footsteps, her smell, they were the same. When her form walked into my line of vision, however, it wasn't Mommy. She had the same dark hair and elegant frame but her eyes where different full of something that no one else in the capitol seemed to possess. Only the eyes of tributes held that kind of determination, clarity, anger.

"Mother sent me" she said looking into my eyes.

She paused as if waiting for a response, when she didn't get one she spoke again.

"You can move when I'm here"

Was she testing me? Just to be sure I kept still. I tried to look passed her eyes like always but her gaze was so different from everything I'm used to I can't.

"You can even talk if you want to" she continues

She pauses again, unsure.

"My name is Skye, I'm your sister"

She said I could speak, and this is so absurd I have to comment.

"You're nothing like my other sisters" I say allowing myself to relax, if this was a test the damage has been done.

Her gaze wanders around the room and immediately switches from kindness to despair.

"These aren't your sisters" She says.

"Of course they are" I respond "Mommy made them just like me"

"No, you're different then the dolls Clarissa they're not alive but you are"

This doesn't fit into my world, this girl is wrong and I have to set her straight.

"No Skye, I'm a doll, these other dolls are my sisters and you're not, you're just another guest"

"I'll show you your _real_ sisters!" She says and picks me up.

I've made her angry I can tell, when she's angry her eyebrows are just like Mommy's. She takes me out of my room. When Mommy would take me out of this room it would be to go to the kitchen for tea parties or to her bedroom to play, both of which are to the right. Skye surprises me by turning left, breaking the bubble of my world beyond the view from my window and glimpses down halls. She turns one corner and then another until we've reached a brightly coloured door. She opens it.

"This is the nursery" she says as she brings me to the two little girls in matching dresses sitting on a bright green mat covered in purple stars "These are your sisters Celeste and Aurora"

She puts me down in front of them.

"New toy?" says one.

"No Celeste" responds Skye "This is your sister"

I look up to ask Skye why she continues to insist I'm real when it's even oblivious to such a little child that I'm not when the other gasps.

"Beau-ti-ful" she says and reaches a small hand out to touch me.

Finding herself to far away she she stands shakily and wobbles towards me. Two steps and she falls, I don't think I just reach out to catch her. She lands laughing in my arms and looks up at me with her big brown eyes.

"Name?" she asks.

"My name is Clarissa" I say to smiling back to her.

"No. No. No!" Says Mommy from the door to the nursery "You stole the twins from me but you can't have her!"

She pulls me away and Celeste tumbles out of my arms and onto the floor.

"Mommy be careful!" I say.

Mommy looks at me, she's angry. I've forgotten how to behave, I immediately return to acting like a proper doll.

"Mother it's not right. Look at her she actually thinks she's a doll!" says Skye blocking Mommy's exit.

"She is a doll, she's my doll. SHE'S MINE!"Yells Mommy as she pushes her way out of the room and runs down the hall all the way back to the doll room. She slows down and walks in through the still open door. She puts me back in my place by the window seat and fixes my hair and arranges my dress.

"You had Mommy scared" she scolds "You're never to do anything like that again. You're not to listen to that girl, she's a liar, and a very mean person."

I don't speak, I don't move, and I don't listen.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

All through the next few months Skye managed to sneak me out of the doll room and I guess some things have changed. I mean after all before Skye I wouldn't have even been aware that it had been a full season, or who long that actually was in terms of what time I was missing.

It takes quite a bit of work to turn a girl into a doll after all. Bleached skin, shrunken bones and muscles, purposely weak eyes. The never-ending surgeries leave me dazed, disoriented, even unconscious for days on end. I'm still a doll, I know I am, it's my description of 'doll' that has changed. Person and doll, alive and dead, these can exist at the same time. At least in the capitol they can.

Skye tells me every day that I have a choice. All I have to do is break the rules like she did, like Celeste and Aurora did without knowing, and she'll stop treating me like a doll. She will also stop loving me. I don't think Skye really realizes just how dangerous that loss of love would be to all of us. Mother may be mad and horrible but she still holds all the cards.

Yes that is another change, I no longer call her Mommy, she's Mother now just like she is to Skye. I know Mother knows what it means but I continue to be a doll so she won't do anything to try and make me stop. She won't do more then she has already done.

At first I thought it was my new found awareness but Skye made sure I wasn't mistaken. My surgeries have increased in number and are becoming more and more drastic. I don't have to eat anymore. I can barely move with my arms and legs are so void of fat. I'm week and spend more time asleep then awake. My only time reference is the growing twins who Skye tries to get me to see as much as possible.

On the best days Skye manages to get us into a classroom setting. I love this not only because of what she teaches but because I get to spend time with the twins. Mother never bothers to tell them apart and I can tell even Skye has trouble with it sometimes but the difference between them is clear to me.

Celeste loves to talk, she repeats everything Skye teaches us back perfectly and you can tell from her wide eyed gaze that she's always listening. She also idolizes Skye to the point that she will attempt to follow her out of the nursery and around the house. Aurora is full of energy, but shy. She is constantly fidgeting and walking around but will pass off a question to Celeste even if Celeste doesn't know the answer and she does. The two are very close to one another though and seem more in tune with the others emotions then their own.

Today we sit in a semi-circle around Skye, our usual classroom setting. She had little bits of paper stuck to the wall that she writes on, usually what we're learning that day. I've learned to read in the past months, another change, Skye says I'm very good at it for my age and that my vocabulary is above average too. I say I must be because I'm only a few months old.

She's confused so I have to explain to her that since I don't know my really birthday or even how old I really am I've decided that that day she first took me from the doll room is my birthday.

Skye starts trying to figure out when my real birthday is and that's when she tells me something I couldn't believe. She's been doing this for a while now but it's the first time in approximately a month that I've been so surprised by one of her truths.

I'm older then the twins but there's no way I'm older then two. Before my 'birthday' I don't have enough memories to string together a week at the most. When I question her about it she shocks me even more. I'm five, maybe six. That's impossible but she's already going on about how we should assume that that day was my sixth birthday and move on from there.

I'm still a perfect doll though so I don't let her see how frightening I find this information.

She begins our lessons but I interrupt her.

"Then how old are you?" I ask.

After all if I'm older then the twins there's no way I can trust how anyone appears anymore.

"I'm twelve" she answers before continuing on with our lesson "what's significant about turning twelve in the districts Aurora?"

"Um..." Aurora pauses just long enough for Celeste to jump in.

"It's the age district children are eligible to be reaped" responds Celeste.

"That's right so if I we lived in the districts there would be a chance that you would be forced to watch me die just so the people here can have something to stare at"

"You would be victor" says Aurora in a barely audible whisper.

"I would not Aurora because The Games have no true victors, not the unfortunate souls that are ripped from their families, not the families forced to watch every gruelling moment, not even us here in the capitol. We bath ourselves in the blood of children every year and we think it good fun. When we go to watch the Reaping later today I want you to imagine that it's me being pulled onto that stage. That you're in the audience in one of those poor districts watching your sister being torn away from you! Then you'll understand how much _fun_ these games really are."

All three of us respond at the same time.

"I will Skye" says Celeste.

"I don't find them _fun_" says Aurora.

"The Reaping's today" I gasp.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

So if a couple months ago may have well been my first birthday, these may as well be my first games. Like many of my memories the information seems more like it's been told to me rather then have actually experienced them. The Games are probably the bast indicator of this though, I know how they work, I could probably recite the whole proses easily. The memories don't feel like my own though.

This year Mother has decided to try something new. We're gong out to watch the reaping live on a big screen down the block. I don't know what to expect, I've only begun to comprehend the rest of my house (and it's a very big house) what could the rest of the Capitol look like? I imagine a world of people just like Mother, a theatre full of them, the thought makes me sick. I guess I'm becoming more and more like Skye every day.

Mother knows this too, I can see her frown eveytime I slip up even slightly. I know she blames Skye for everything, I think she has for a while. But I love Skye and I love Mother. I love Skye despite Mother and Mother despite Skye. Everything Skye tells me about Mother what she's done, what she's doing, what she plans to do yes it's terrible but I can see it in Skye as easily as the tributes on the screen, they're miserable. I'm pretty sure I'd be miserable too it Mother stopped loving me the way she has the others.

I let my head fall back against mothers arm so I can get a better view of the screen without breaking any doll rules. It's hard not to see the projected reaping somewhere in the theatre but the main focus is meant to be the floor to ceiling image to which all the chairs are facing. Seeing as the Reaping is an all day affair the doors at the back stay open leading to a grand hall with food and drinks along with betting and sponsorship tables. People move between the two rooms constantly filing in for the each tribute selection and back out to weigh the newest pair's faults and qualities while socializing. The conversations flow from gambling on the lives of children to capitol gossip without a beat and I can see what Skye means when she calls the citizens heartless.

Skye herself stays rooted to her seat refusing to so much as acknowledge any of the people sharing the theatre especially Mother. Since Mother doesn't dare let me leave her arms I go with her from the hall to the theatre and back again. Eleven times and this will be the last, most people now seated seem uninterested in the screen and several simply stand near the door.

"Everyone's waiting for the last two then the polls properly open" Mother says I assume to me and my sisters though we already know this "what do you think Clarissa do you wanna pick who Mommy sponsors this year?" Well I suppose she was just speaking to me then, I shouldn't be that surprised she goes out of her way to avoid Skye and just plain ignores the twins. I no more want to choose who Mother throws her money at then Celeste seems to want to stay in this loud and crowded building but we'll be here for at least another hour and a half while Mother makes her bets, sponsorships, and gossips the night away. I Nod. Maybe I can pick someone who'll have Mother out of here faster though I don't know how I would be able to tell which unfortunate child's face would accomplish this.

This seems to be the desired reponce because Mother gives a manic giggle and hugs me close. She holds me this way all through the twelfth reaping so I have no way of seeing the last two tributes. I'm close enough against her breast to her heartbeat. I think it's a little too fast. As soon as the male for twelve has left the stage mother has stood to leave for the hall. She is stopped by Skye who tells her she's taking the twins home.

"Mhm ya ok" Mother says not really caring what her other children do with themselves "come Clarissa we'll bet first that way when we sponsor them and their odds go up we'll make more money" she whispers excitedly. Mother rarely makes money off betting on the games, not that it matters I don't think we're lacking when it comes to that. It's obvious she just sees it like most the people shearing this theatre too, as yet another game within the games.

I never noticed before the way that people moved out of my mother's way. I've never really been around for anything outside our parties at home where her command of the room seemed natural. Here things are exactly the same that is to say people are moving around and away from my mother as if she owns the whole building. There was a line stretching around one of the betting tables but it quickly disperses into a semicircle around Mother as she talks to the man behind the desk.

"Heric how are you" she says in her usual sing-song voice.

"Well, very well" he says taking in Mother and I in a way that makes me feel incredible uncomfortable and makes Mother giggle "here to make another bet or just socialize?"

"We can do both can we not?" Mother responds in a way I've never heard her speak before. I've decided I don't like Heric.

"Perhaps when we aren't also accompanied by your... Doll" the way he says it I know he knows exactly what I am.

"Oh yes speaking of Clarissa she's going to be choosing my Tribute this year" Mother says excitedly dropping me onto the table. This promps a bout of whispering from the gathering crowd behind us

"That so" he says neurally. He motions to a wispy dark-skinned girl standing off to the corner, his Avox, she places A sheet of paper in front of where I'm sitting on the table. I look down and see an organized list of names faces and numbers. I look carefully at the 24 faces deciding to actually try and guess at the winner. I know it's sick and playing into 'The Capitol Way' as Skye would put it on her better days but I think I could guess it right. I don't know where this thought comes from but it soon morphs into certainty as my eyes scan down the page.

Of course my movements are all calculated to look as if I'm merely a toy that's moving mechanical and randomly. My hand reaches out and an outstretched finger lands on the face of the girl from seven; Miri Pines. Only thirteen and from a district that doesn't often win but I know it's her, she's the winner. I can hear laughter and grumbling from the crowd but they don't know like I do. The only person I think who doesn't have a negative reaction is Mother.

"Oh lovely Clarissa I like her too" she says completely genuine "Miri what a lovely name! Yes I'll be putting my money on Miri this year Heric"

It takes another three hours for us to leave, in that time I gather from the passing voices that between Mother's sponsorship and the people who seem to have followed her lead Miri's odds have nearly doubled.


End file.
